i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
