how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
