ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
