We won't sleep together?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
