If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
