I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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