i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
