Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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