i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
