I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
