So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
