Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
