I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
