Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I want to be your penis for a week.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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