so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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