hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
