but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize