I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
