two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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