I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
