everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
