We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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