i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
