you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
