Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
