dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
