i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
