You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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