he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
