sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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