I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
