Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
