think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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