Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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