Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
