Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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