Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
