you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We're too hungover to prance.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
