OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
