I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
