Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
