dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
