one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
