Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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