I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
