I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
