i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
