You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
