I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Someone shattered a urinal.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
