Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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