Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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