got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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