I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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