we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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