The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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