Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
