Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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