I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
