All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
