Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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