can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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