I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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