i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
