I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
