I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
