dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize