i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize