If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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