He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
