It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
