If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
