You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
meet me or not, i'm out of control
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
