then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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