I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
