he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
