Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
