And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
