A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
