and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
