the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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