I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Im part way to drunk.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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