He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
