im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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