something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize