Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
