we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
