Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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