I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
