Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
