My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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