A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
