I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
