I cannot find my penis.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
