What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize