I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Are we still banned from the library?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
