I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
