whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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