One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
