if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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