can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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