I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
