sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
