I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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