We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
