btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
