I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
