I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize