NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
