Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
