I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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