I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
