Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
