shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
