Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
