New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
